Routine Set To Flame
by Deena
Summary: Displaced during Time Compression, Ultimecia’s Eight Guardians have been scattered all over the world. Drawn to their calls, Seifer sets off to junction them all, only to be placed under the authority of one chicken wuss SeeD. Eventual Slash, SeiferZell
1. Desert Heat

Routine Set to Flame 

**~*~CHAPTER I : Desert Heat~*~**

"By Bahamat's fucking breath, I should've known." 

I shielded the blistering desert sun from my eyes and felt a huff coming on. This rancid old drama, with this rancid old fucktard, I _so_ didn't need right now. Not now, not ever, fellow orphans or not. Why'd it hafta be me, dealing with a dud mission like this? Where was the ass-grinding monster beat-down I'd been all pumped to doll out? Where was the 'mysterious energy gathering' I was supposed to find and document? How was I ever gonna to get shitall done with this punk smarming it up in my face? The hell...what was _he_ up to, way the _hell_ out here?

Lords below, this was so much more a Quistis area then a Zell area. She had the patience for this restorative, polite relations shit; I _really_ didn't. 

"Catching some rays out here, chicken wuss?" 

Standing in the midst of three Imp carcasses, like he hadn't _killed_ Odin and then tried to _feed_ Rinoa to Adel only just a couple of month ago, was nobody's favourite jerkass. Seifer Almasy, his grey coat skirting dramatically around his ankles, smirked down at me and despite being surrounded by miles of scorching red sand, in the middle of a foreign continent, I never felt so goddamn _at home_. 

It was pathetic, alright.

"Shove the shit Seifer, I ain't in the mood." I bounced on the hard Esthar loam and levelled a few tight jabs in the air. Ehrgeiz blurred in a twist of motion; Fury Fragments catching the sunlight and glinting like a Holy spell. "I got orders from Laguna _himself_ to check this area out so whatever you're-" 

Seifer, who'd been in the process of flicking Imp goo off of Hyperion's cold blade, paused. "Laguna? What, that actor guy? You don't know _him_, do you?" 

Seifer, most probably against his will, sounded pretty damn impressed and I revelled in it. The only reason Seifer had even chosen a gunblade as his weapon of speciality, I now seemed to remember, was because he'd been obsessed with Knights and swords after Matron had taken us to Timber to see Laguna's movie, 'Tymes of Trabian Turmoil'.

"Yeah I do," I trumped importantly, jabbing a thumb towards my chest with relish. It wasn't everyday I was able to get a jump on over Seifer and I was damn well gonna pound the most outta of this Gayla. "He's the President of Esthar, didn't you know? _And_ he's Squall's old man."

Seifer goggled, something I can't say I'd ever seen the guy do. He actually had to flap his yap _shut_. "Squall's _dad_ is Laguna the _actor_? The _Knight_ actor? He's related to wet-end _puberty boy_?"

"Yeah that's right, Laguna the actor and he's the President too and we're good buds and I'm here on his orders so you just better _relax_ 'cause I got enough-"

"Shut it, chicken," Seifer interrupted. He was scowling. I guess shock time was over for him...back to pissy-ass 101. "I don't care _who_ sent you, fat mouth. I didn't do jack shit so quit ragging my ass."

"Yeah, uh huh, _right_." I folded my arms across my chest and tried to look imposing; probably would've cut a finer dash if the dude hadn't had, like seven inches on me, the stupid fucko. "Automated-J reports don't lie and neither do Energy Perceptors. Whatever you're doing is _whipping_ off the Magic-J Stat charts so bag the Blobra and 'fess up man. The hell you doing out here?" 

"What's it to you?" Seifer sneered. "What're _you_ gonna do about it, you little shit?"

Evidently I'd forgotten how Seifer responded to A) authority figures and B) me.

I grit my teeth, forced my fists to lay low and adopted a 'pissed badass' sort of look. "Hey buddy, I ain't takin' _none_ of your weirdass bullshit, got it? I'm here on orders from the President, I'm junctioned to the max and I got enough Ultima spells to knock your smug mug straight to Winter Island so shove the friggin' attitude, _okay_?" 

Sad to say, for all my hard-talking ways, Seifer merely looked entertained. "Chill punk, I ain't here to cause shit." He tapped the side of his head. "It's all clear up here."

"Oh _there's_ a relief." I rolled my eyes. The guy was still a certified Elastoid in my books, Ultimecia or not. "So what, then? What're you doing up here? When'd you leave Balamb anyway?"

He shrugged, the very picture of carelessness. "A week ago, I guess. Thought I'd do some of levelling up." 

"You came all the way _here_ to level up?" I studied him suspiciously. Something about his too would-be casual tone of voice didn't exactly gel well with me. "Why not train closer to home?" 

"You think _Bug Bites_ and _Glacial Eyes_ are really gonna gimme a challenge?"

Well even I had to concede that he had a point there. That little rascal kid next door to Ma could take out a Bug Bite, blindfolded with one hand behind his back. I tried a different approach. "What d'you needa raise your stats for? Last I saw, you had a pretty high HP. 35,000+ or somethin', wasn't it?" 

If I wasn't mistaken and when it came to this sort of shit I tried not to be, Seifer seemed a little uneasy. Nothing really drastic, just something nameless flickered briefly inside his eyes. "Since when's it a crime to level up?" he demanded defensively. "I'm not exactly the most welcome guy around town. If I wanna train, how's it any of your business?"

I took a step towards him. Yeah, he was hiding something, alright. Definitely. "It _becomes_ my business when the government hires me to scout this place out and I find you lurking around. I'm here doin' my job and if you're involved..._especially_ if you're involved, then I ain't restin' 'til Obel Lake hums. I wanna know what the deal is, pal. Galbadian army hire you to start rumblin' up here or what?"

The first signs of true anger coloured Seifer's face then. "Fuck off Zell," he snarled irritably. "All that shit's done with, didn't I tell you? You guys were up in that spookfest castle, you maimed that bitch up, you oughta know." 

"If you have nothing to hide then what's with all this evasive shit?" I countered. Well _of course_ I knew all about Ultimecia but Seifer was a completely different riddle. Who knew what the nutjob was out here doing, alone and with no visible means of provisions? "You may as well know dude, I ain't leavin' this place 'til I got you-"

The rest of my words were abruptly swallowed up and spit out into the dry, dusty air. 

Now I can easily say, with a great deal of well-earned pride mind you, that I've fought and _thrashed_ every single known monster on Earth...and then some. Ultima Weapon anyone? I was able to identify the scream and snarl and howl of any territorial monster from _kilometres_ away. You didn't travel the entire world and train to level 100 without learning a bit of the old Biological Bestiary, that was for sure.

So when a roar, a really big fucking _roar_ that could mostly likely be heard all the way in Balamb, cut me off mid-rant and I _wasn't_ able to immediately identity the creature...well I was pretty much shocked to shit. The beastly bellow sounded annoyingly familiar and while I couldn't place it, I did have the fleeting memory of looking up at a vast Demon Moon, surrounded by whirls of cold mist.

I could hear other creatures, Imps and Toromas, skittering away in the distance. Instinctively, I found myself turning towards the enormous mountain range that dominated the landscape behind me. Something, whatever it was, was coming from beyond the Nortes Mountain, from the Mordred Plains. 

"The hell's that?"

"He's coming."

Seifer spoke those two words in a tone that was decidedly preoccupied. I realized that I'd totally forgotten about the guy. I glanced sharply at him. He was striding away from me and towards the mountains. There was a look on his face that I didn't like. Whatever was coming our way, Seifer _expected_. He knew what it was and that pissed me off on _all_ fronts.

"Hey, what the fuck?!" I chased after Seifer, who was covering pretty good ground and _fast_. I'll bet he didn't even hear me, probably didn't even know I was shucking after his ass.

Another thunderous howl, this one sending a zip of chills skirting up and down my spine, filled the Esthar Plains. I stopped in my tracks and wrenched an Aura Stone from the pocket of my shorts. The fact that my body and mind had mechanically begun to prepare me for a fight was half irritating and half troubling. With the exception of a Malboro, those fucking planty shits, there wasn't any other monster in the world that could send me rushing. I knew these deep screams but couldn't place them...just as I knew that an arduous battle was skulking behind the bend.

The grating scrape of scales and leathery wings grew audible as over the cresting mountains arose a familiar and formidable winged beast. It engulfed us in its massive shadow and I found myself fumbling with the glowing stone in my hand, trying not to drop it in pure astonishment. The image of Quistis, Irvine and myself fighting on the broken balcony of that cold Bell Tower swung into my mind.

**D**-**A**-**R**-**K F**-**L**-**A**-**R**-**E**.

Ultimecia's strongest Castle Guardian, the last and most powerful, was the Flare-eyed Tiamat. Blue and bronzed and imposing as _fuckall_, the dragon-like Guardian reared up before us, embers of Flare glinting around it. Tiamat began to speak. I recognized the intelligence upon its reptilian features but the words weren't for me; didn't ring inside my mind.

They were for Seifer.

Seifer stepped forwards, looking small and defenceless in the wake of such an enormous beast. He opened his arms wide, like he wanted to _hug_ the creature and that was enough of a suicidal gesture, apparently. Tiamat dove in a swooping gust, accepting Seifer's invitation.

I didn't stop to think, I just _moved_. I was casting Shell on Balamb's biggest asshole before I knew it. Glittering pink petals protectively encased Seifer just as Tiamat plunged into him in a shower of spitting sparks...and disappeared.

I blinked so hard that my head actually _clenched_ and this time I did drop my Aura Stone. 

Seifer's eyes were huge and shocked against his suddenly-pale face. 

Tiamat hadn't come to _hurt_ Seifer...he'd come to _junction_ himself to Seifer. Ultimecia's Knight had just junctioned her most powerful Guardian...

...right before falling unconscious, mouth first into the dust.

I gawked it up and for a few there I seriously thought I was going to crack up. That Seifer was all a heap of shit and then some. I remembered our Dollet field exam, once upon a time ago and how Ifrit had tapped me in the head for a little while. I'd never junctioned anything as strong as the Fire Demon at that point and Seifer had laughed himself sick at my initial shaky uneasiness.

I had to admit though, that I was more then tempted to stand around and kick sand at Seifer's spaced out mug until he awoke. However, I took being a SeeD totally serious, which was lucky for him and I remembered all to well how it was, having a never-before-junctioned entity like Bahamut stuff himself into my mind. Tiamat was probably on the same level as Bahamat and most likely hadn't ever been junctioned before, or at least not by anyone human. I knew Seifer didn't have a whole lot of experience with GFs, other then standard fare Garden GFs and even junior classmen had no problem handling those things.

I sighed very loudly as I knelt down beside Seifer. He didn't look too hot, there was no denying that. His eyelashes were fluttering rapidly...obviously there was high drama going on behind that front. Battle for cranium space and all that. I picked up Seifer's cold, limp wrist and felt for a pulse.

"Aw fucksticks," I groaned. Seifer's heart was beating at least _three times_ the normal rate. Any more of _that_ and his system might go into shock or something. You couldn't just pack a powerload like Tiamat into your mind without a heap of previous experience. Even little kids coulda told you _that_.

I would've liked nothing better then to beat the scene and leave the loser roasting in his own conceit but if Seifer was in possession of a GF as powerful as Tiamat then who knew what might happen...either to his head or afterwards, once he fully accepted the Guardian...? Not to mention that a civilian junctioning a GF was highly illegal, especially if said civilian was a traitor in the eyes of all National states. Nope, I was being paid to investigate the Plains and sort out the cause of disjunction, both of which I was determined to do. Even if I was saddled with a big lug of a bully.

I poked Seifer a bit. "Seifer? Hey Seifer! K'you hear me or what?" 

Like a nun in the sack, as Irvine would say.

"Wake up you stupid fuck!"

Levelling up my ass.

I hunted around in my pockets once more but I already knew that I didn't have any LuvLuvGs on me. That shit was super rare. Yeah I know it was a sight, me rooting around for something to help Seifer. Now don't get me wrong or nothin', I didn't like dude one bit..._no one_ did except for his posse...but I did have a hundred questions about Tiamat and all this junctioning business, none of which Seifer could answer from the fields of Lah Lah Land. It was a drainhole for sure and I knew if our positions were somehow reversed, Seifer would've had me caked to crap under Doomtrain and trussed up inside of one of those underground Estharian prisons before I could even say 'Dark Flare'. But I'm something of a nice guy, mostly or at least according to Selphie.

Maybe I was just stupider then a trash-talkin' Dollet monkey.

I knew that Seifer Almasy was and would forever remain a jumped-up arrogant asshole and still I rummaged through my items, in search of any kinda junk to ease the guy's tapped head. Elixirs, Chef Knives, Diamond Armours, Laser Cannons, G-Hi-Potions, Ochu Tentacles, Inferno Fangs... 

Inferno Fangs.

I stared down at the fiery bit of bone, an idea churning inside my head. Sometimes items dropped by monsters could be used to raise compatibility with certain GFs. Red Fangs, for example, raised compatibility with Ifrit...and by using Ifrit's F Mag-RF Ability, one Inferno Fang could be refined into 20 Flares. That meant that Inferno Fangs had a Flare nucleus, allowing them to be further refined and if Tiamat was a Flare-based demon...

Well in any case, I had a heap of Elixirs on hand and seriously, who was around to see if I accidentally messed Seifer up? Or as to that, would anyone even _care_? I'd heal the guy in case anything serious happened. I wasn't a _total_ jerkhole afterall...unlike _some_ people lying around all recumbent and shit.

The wind was hot against my face as I took out my stock of Inferno Fangs. I had fifteen in all and assuming they worked and assuming each Fang raised Seifer's compatibility with Tiamat by a max of 3, well that would at least be enough to awaken Sleeping Beauty.

"You're gonna _so_ owe me," I declared loudly, close to his ear. It was gonna just _slay_ him, knowing that he was in debt to 'a hyper little shit' like me. Served the bastard right, I say, for all the lies he was spewing off. Levelling up his GFs, more like. 

I stopped abruptly, feeling the heat of the Inferno Fang through my gloves as a sudden thought swooped into my head. What in the _fuck_ was I doing, kneeling beside this tool, all ready to heal his head?

Seifer hadn't seemed at all surprised to see Tiamat...he must have come to Esthar with the sole purpose of _finding_ Tiamat. And that meant, if he truly _did_ expect to find the Flare Demon, that maybe he was already junctioned with a few more of those Castle Guardians...as in maybe _all of them_. If Seifer actually did have all eight monsters junctioned then I would be fucked to shit ten ways to Sunday. I was no match for eight consecutive GFs, especially since I was only hanging steady with Ifrit, Diablos and Doomtrain.

Ultimecia might be presently festering in a Dead Zone but Seifer was still as much of a fucker as he'd ever been...and then a heap. I wouldn't be surprised if he was still looking for a greater glory and with this new-found GF power, who knew what havoc he could wreak? No, I'd be fifteen kinds of dipshit to try and raise compatibility with friggin' Tiamat for _Seifer_ of all people...

...Seifer, whose face was currently Blizzaga-white and streaked with webs of blue veins and was going into some kind of shock...

Clearly, I _was_ fifteen kinds of dipshit.

"Fucking tutti-frutti guilty-ass conscience," I griped, hating myself and hating Seifer's pallid, grunged out features even more. I couldn't just leave one of the orphanage gang _hanging_, could I? Which was ironic since just a month ago, Squall, Quistis and I had been all ready to kill Seifer...for the third time.

I didn't even know if I wanted my idea to work or not.

If the Inferno Fang did jack shit then I'd be forced to sit around flinging curative potions and spells on the guy, none of which would do anything to alleviate head trauma. When Seifer did awake, he'd be fried and unable to answer questions for Hyne knew how long. I mean yeah Seifer was a shitheel of the first water but I didn't want the dude to turn veggie on me there. If anything _I _wanted to be the one to pull _his_ shades closed a la _My Final Heaven_. He'd started all that 'cry-baby Zell' drama in the first place anyway.

On the other hand though, if I was able to rouse Seifer and he did have eight GFs...well that'd be pretty damn shitty. My strengths though, were that my compatibility with all three of my GFs were at max and I still had the Hero's Walk Squall gave to me aboard the Lunatic Pandora. If worse came to worse and I was majorly tapped out, I'd have to rely on that ticket. It was the coward's street up but better I got help and stopped Seifer as opposed to him leaving my carcass around as a buffet for Toromas to chow down on.

I _so_ deserved a pay raise for what I was about to do. Helping Seifer, tch. This was akin to religious servitude, this was.

Ehrgeiz tightened around a particularly large Inferno Fang. The scarlet-stained bone splintered and crumpled beneath the crush of Dragon Skin and Adamantine. A glittering powder, fine as a bottled Amnesia Green, spilled out from beneath my gloved fingers. I cast the powder, the red ash dusting Seifer's skin like a veil of dried  blood. It seeped into his pores with a shimmer of familiar, crackling J-Magic and I knew that his mind, for better or for worse, had accepted the refined item. 

There were a few unchanged instants before Seifer began to cough. I cast another Fang and the cough grew pronounced. In my other hand, I held fast an Aura Stone. I wasn't gonna take _any_ chances, not with this whacked out homey beef junctioned to the friggin' Kashkabald Desert.

When Seifer finally got around to opening his eyes, six Infernos later, I was ready. He was blinking hard up at the endless sky when I shoved Ehrgeiz around his throat. 

"Alright buddy, I had _enough_ of your shit," I spat out in quite the snarling tone of voice, if I do say so myself. "I can have your ass stuffed into an Estharian jail cell faster then you can say 'Ultimecia's Bitch'. I'm SeeD and you oughta know by now what SeeDs can do." I loosened my hold around his neck a fraction, enough to let him garble it up. "What the _fuck_ you doin' out here?"

Seifer stared up at me, his eyes still a bit hazy. He wouldn't be able to defend himself for a while yet. "The hell'd you do to me, chicken wuss?"

My fraying patience snapped at that horrible nickname. "Answer the goddamn question you arrogant bastard!"

No one else on this entire planet would have chuckled then but ram me sideways if that wasn't exactly what Seifer did. "You better watch that temper, chicken. I don't wanna take the blame for you having a damn heat spazz out here."

I couldn't believe this nerve of this guy. Did nothing faze him? Didn't he have any damn _shame_? 

Spazz my ass.

With more pleasure then I should have ever felt...but oh baby did I get one helluva _rush_...I squeezed my fingers around his neck. _Hard_. Seriously, why'd I ever decide to ease his messed head? He didn't even deserve the _sand_ to pass out on, for Omega sakes. 

"Think I'm cracking the funnies, Seifer? Think I _wouldn't_ arrange for an internal view of D-District for you?" I leaned close to him and gave him some _intense_ pressure. "How many of those Castle monsters you got junctioned?"

Seifer wheezed, blood pouring into his cheeks. For once there were no smart answers coming out his gullet. "Three." 

"Which ones?"

"Trauma, Red Giant and now Tiamat," he choked, his left hand scrabbling for Hyperion...which lay like a kilometre from him.

I let go of him and sat back. I wasn't sure I believed him but being as I didn't stock Scan spells, I couldn't disprove him either. In any case, once I dragged him back to Esthar with me, it'd be all too easy to tell whether his shit was the truth or not. With a vindictive satisfaction, I watched Seifer massage his throat with shaky hands. He was shooting glares darker then a Black Hole at me. I couldn't really say I gave a Geezard's gizzard about the whole thing. He'd pissed me off _enough_, as it were.

"You don't believe me," Seifer ground out as he slowly sat up. He looked like he was forcing himself something ferocious and trying not to pass out. Well I suppose I could understand that; the last thing _I _would have wanted to do was look weak in front of Seifer. "But I can't say I really give a crap. This is none of your business chicken wuss, so beat the scene and leave me alone."

I had to gape at the guy. I mean really, what else could I do? Seifer was going on like he thought I was being a _nosy parker_; like I had zip authority under all the suns to question _his_ august presence. 

And here he was calling me a spazz. "So what you're saying is that it's none of SeeD...none of _my_ business that you're off gallivanting around the world, attempting to _junction_ all eight of _Ultimecia's_ Guardians? Like you _don't_ see that I should be suspicious of you?"

Seifer's eyes flashed like an Energy Crystal. "Well with this goddamn criminal _inquisition_ you're trying to pass off on me, is it any wonder I never took out an ad in the fucking paper?" 

Oh like he had the right to be indignant. I ground my incisors together and decided a lesson in some not-so-ancient history was in order. "You took over Galbadia Garden, attacked both Trabia and Balamb Gardens, the latter of which was your fucking _home_, you tortured Squall, dug out that shithole Pandora, attacked Esthar, caused _another_ fucking Lunar Cry, kidnapped Ellone, revived Adel, essentially _fed_ Rinoa to Adel, killed Odin...pretty much started Time Compression in other words and you expect me to _trust_ you, s'that it? Because last I saw you _still_ didn't know when to call it quits."

There was a very long silence. The look on Seifer's face was something _black_ and I figured he was on the verge of starting one _helluva_ thumpdown. So it surprised me a good one, when instead he spoke...and in a relatively calm voice at that.

"D'you _actually_ think when I came up to Timber that day I wanted to start all this shit? Yeah, Rinoa might have danced around with puberty boy at the ball but she came to Balamb to see _me_. She knew I was serious about helping her resistance group and the only reason Cid even dispersed you guys to help her was because _I_ convinced him. I came to that TV Station to help her out, _not_ to end up with a Sorceress shrieking shit inside my head. When Matron starting whispering to me and I suddenly remembered my childhood and how she raised me, d'you think I knew she was possessed by some nutjob from the future? All I knew was that my Mom was telling me to come with her. Any one of us would have gone with her Zell, she's our _Matron_."

Well shit on toast, if Seifer wasn't surprising me all over the place. I couldn't even recall the last time I'd ever heard him speak so rationally. As far as I knew, and I did know a lot having spent a good number of my years with the guy, when Seifer wasn't mercilessly bullying and picking fights with everyone in sight, he was questioning orders and flaunting his status as head of the Disciplinarian Committee. Nothing in that semblance of normalcy lent itself to much rationality of thought or speech, that was for sure.

And yeah, Seifer did have a couple of good points there but they were _scary_ points and I didn't even want to _think_ about what it would have been like, had it been me Matron had gone after instead of Seifer. I'd already felt enough of a tool then, for having blabbed that we were all from Balamb Garden.

Since I didn't really know how to respond to that big speech, I blurted out the only thing that popped into my head. "Well once you knew about Ultimecia, why didn't you stop?"

A disgusted expression crossed Seifer's features. He was looking at me like I was Grat goo stuck tough on Hyperion's blade. Ah familiarity. "You got no subtly, you know that chicken wuss? No fucking subtly. I don't know how you made SeeD, you're so damn dense."

"The hell?" I was outraged. I had _plenty_ of subtly and I was _not_ dense and anyway, what in the earth did any of _that_ have to do with the price of Hypno Crowns in Esthar?

"You think someone like _her_ would jazz around while I did the fucking _Exit_? You fought her, you saw her anger right up front. It was all or nothing, life servitude or death, with her." Seifer carefully picked up Hyperion and fussed with the gun a bit. "So since you guys offed her before she could off me, I guess I _owe_ you or somethin'."

It _had_ to be Blizzaga-ing something brutal in Hell because Seifer _didn't_ just say he _owed_ me...

...did he? Or did he?

Couldn't have been any Seifer _I_ knew, especially not the one scowling at his precious weapon, carefully avoiding my definitely wide eyes, his cheeks...dare I mention it...just a tad bit Belhelmel red? I would've liked nothing better then to ham it up with some heavy gloating but some things you just didn't _do_ and in my books that included ragging a dude done in...and Seifer was as cooked as any Fastitocalon-Fs _I'd _ever seen. 

I swear I'm such a chillin' guy. What other SeeD would've raised compatibility with an illegal junction for the likes of _Seifer Almasy_? I should have been revelling in his misery and my obvious superiority over him but I liked to think that I was bigger then that sort of drama. Maybe his comments about Matron had struck Meteor Stones with me or something.

"Yeah dude whatever." When in doubt, Squall it up. "What I really wanna know is how'd you know Tiamat was way the hell out here?"

Surprise briefly marked Seifer's face before he was able to mask it. Yeah, for sure. He would've been lording over me from here to the _moon_, if he'd been a glorified, heroic SeeD and I a disgraced Knight. "I heard him, I guess." 

"You heard him?" I frowned. That didn't sound too hot to me. "What d'you mean, exactly? Like how you'd hear Ultimecia?"

"Not like that," Seifer said impatiently. "She was more of a constant presence, always there all the time. I hear these Guardians only randomly. They're calling for her but since she's gone, her Knight is the next best thing." He shrugged. "I think those monsters were displaced during Time Compression. You guys didn't actually kill any of them and somehow they got pulled into our time. Maybe they tried to follow you here or somethin', I dunno."

I mulled that over. It made sense but I would've had to be one helluva damn fool to trust the word of Seifer Almasy.

The distrust I felt must have shown on my face because Seifer gave me a pissed, super dirty look. "Yeah alright I fucked up big, is that what you wanna hear, punkass? I caused some serious damage but fuck it all, I had a goddamn Sorceress _jammed_ inside my head! The hell d'you expect? I'm not lying about all this monster junction crap. I'm not trying to take over Balamb Garden or kill Leonhart or whatever else you're thinking. I went looking for her Guardians because everyone else was doing jack shit. No one else can even _hear_ them except me so I'm here to get rid of them. Her monsters shouldn't be roaming around, close to cities and stuff."

An admission _and_ compassion. Reality had to be coughing up some _grim_ lung butter because I'd be Creepy Touched back to the Commencement Room if I thought I'd ever hear a voluntary acknowledgment of guilt from His Majesty. I mean frig, Seifer didn't fuck up, he didn't _do_ fuck ups. Everyone else fucked up, not him. 

Of course, it wasn't like he could blame some random cadet for all the mayhem he'd caused. Guess he didn't have much of a choice but to accept all his stupid mistakes and move on...of which he wasn't going to do without _my_ okay. I counted for something around here and I prized all of it.

"So you're gonna find those eight monsters and junction them all, is that it?"

"Yeah I am," Seifer declared defiantly. Of course he hadn't changed _that_ much. "They wouldn't come to anyone other then me anyway."

"Not even Matron?" 

"I thought about that but I don't think so. Matron doesn't mean anything to Ultimecia; she was only a tool really. Not like a _Knight_." It was subtle but there was bitterness in Seifer's voice. It rang odd, to tell you the truth. 

"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess." I looked straight into Seifer's eyes. Here came the moment of reckoning. "You know I can't let you go off on your own, right?"

"The fuck you can't," Seifer angrily bit out. "I'm not about to hurt anyone, I'm not a threat to anybody and I've had enough with all this-"

"Dude, it doesn't matter _what_ you say," I interrupted. May as well stop him well and early, before he _really_ got a diesel on. "Because that boat ain't gonna float. Once it reaches _anyone_ that you're junctioned to the hilt with Ultimecia's Guardians and make no mistake baby, I'll be blabbing _for sure_, Garden and Federal Defence alike will be after your ass. Ultimecia's long gone and these illegal junctions were done of your own free will. No one's gonna make the mistake of being lenient with you and you oughta know that by now." 

Seifer started to protest, furiously if the scathing expression on his face was any indication, but I overrode him. _He_ was gonna listen to _me_ because I wasn't a chicken wuss beneath him any longer but a SeeD _above_ him. I didn't have to take Seifer's stupidness any longer. "You can try and leave but I'll tell you right now that I'll be ragging your every step. You may've got yourself a few high-level GFs but there ain't no way you had enough time to train up their all abilities. We fight and I'll beat you ten times over. Then I'll cart your carcass straight up to Esthar where you'll either be charged or given over to that creepfest Odine as an experiment. That nutbar'll keep you locked up inside the Sorceress Memorial or somethin'...he wouldn't mind making an exception for your sorry ass."

It was mean, I know it but I was _totally_ into the murderous vibes Seifer was fumigating. He had a grip on his gunblade like he wanted nothing better then to hand me into some open face surgery. Well I could live with it, his cheap rage. Had to be a shade fairer then his endless harassment and ridicule and all the rest of that rancid old song and dance.

"You threatening me, chicken?" Spoken in a voice softer then a Shear Feather and reeking with suppressed fury.

"You damn right I am. This world's seen enough of your interests at work." I lightly began to bounce where I stood and started up with some shadowboxing. It felt fucking _okay_ to dish out an ultimatum to Seifer. "Like I said, you can tear tracks outta here or you can ditch the bitchy attitude and come with me to Esthar. I'll make my report and we can see what Laguna has to say. He's a fair guy and no one'll be able to jump down your throat if you've voluntarily placed yourself under SeeD authority."

If looks were Death Stones then a Phoenix Pinion would be pretty fucking useful right about now.

"Bet you'd love that...seeing me hung under _your_ authority." He spat out the last two words like they were dung-coated.

Try to cut a jerk some slack and he'll just end up pissing on your kicks. I should've known. "I'm doing my fucking job, you prick," I retorted, quelling the urge to unleash a _Different Beat_ onto his skunky face. "I was hired to investigate the disturbance out here and yeah, I friggin' found it. You might find this hard to believe but I actually _don't_ give fifty Gil to Galbadia about you. All I wanna do is get rid of those monsters before someone gets hurt and having you junction all of them isn't exactly what I'd call a safe deal." 

There was a long silence, broken only by the low growl of a Behemoth hunting in the distance. Seifer was pissed, any loser could've seen that a kilometre away but I knew he was also considering what I'd said. Pride or not, he had enough to lose without the protection of my inferior authority. 

Hyne, the guy was _such_ a bastard. 

I didn't know what exactly I'd expected him to say, maybe a few choice insults but in the end, to my endless surprise, Seifer said nothing. He bent to scoop up a few Poison Powders dropped by the Imps he'd been fighting and then stashed his gunblade. There was something on his face that I didn't like...and I knew I was gonna have to keep it up.   

"Lead the way then _SeeD_," he invited in mocking tones. His eyes bore glacial holes into my skull. "I have, after all, _voluntarily placed myself under your authority_."

Oh when _would_ the fun times ever end?

**~*~****Author's Notes****~*~**

Phew but this was one long bitchass of a chapter. I know it's a horrible habit, starting epic stories without finishing the other epics but sometimes this kinda shit doesn't lemme alone. Or maybe I'm just sick to death of all the sappy, cliché, fangirl versions of two dude hooking it and wanted to write something as realistically as possible? Yeah, that's it. I'm gonna try and shy away from all the oodles of S/Z clichés out there. Here there will be no '_Seifer's been secretly in love with Zell all this time and showed it by constant bullying the guy to avoid rejection_' (only in a fangirl's world) or especially none of this '_Zell pining after Squall _(in spite of having no problems with helping Rinoa hook up with Squall during the game) _and takes to Seifer as a consolation, thereby finding true love in the process_' business. Don't get me wrong, I've read some stories which have employed both those clichés to amazing results and some which have ended up with _shitass_ results. 

I guess what I want to achieve in this story is a solid plot and a slow but credible build-up towards a relationship by two characters who basically loathe each other. I want this to be about two teenaged guys first...and let's face it, most of us girls know shitall about guys in a relationship...but I'm gonna try. There's not gonna be any romanticizing here...but there will be **lots** of swearing because I have something of a Stephen King complex, in case you haven't fucking noticed. And a bunch of sex later on because teenaged guys are **hornyass** motherfuckers. 

So send me criticism or comments if you'd like because I feel like I'm deviating from the normal shit I write to a different kind of shit and I'd love to know your thoughts on this new bit of drama.


	2. Inside an Acceptance

**~*~CHAPTER II : Inside an Acceptance~*~******

The first time I heard it call...Trauma it was...I was lying in the darkness. The foamy summer waves crashed outside my windowpane. The night was a typical Balamb speciality, warm and quiet and calm; the sort of night that made you reflect. Well I'd been reflecting alright...had been reflecting for better then a month. What else did I have to do? When you fucked up as royally as I did, there was nothing to do _but_ reflect. There were a hundred _what-ifs_ and _if-onlys_ and _whys_ that plagued my thoughts that night; there always was. So I stared up at the shadows on the ceiling, listened to the sounds of the Balamb sea and thought about how I was a screwed-up nothing, night after night, week after week.

I also thought a lot about my childhood, in those long, silent nights. _She_ had unlocked a lot of things forgotten and had shown me all of it, selfishly, but I held those memories close all the same. I remembered Matron and how soft her smile had been. I remembered Ellone...Sis and Squall. I saw Selphie and Irvine playing cops and robbers by the ocean's shore; I saw myself pulling Quistis' hair and throwing rocks at Zell. I saw an endless reel of memories. I came to remember a lot of things. 

Afterall, even a man with nothing left still has memories by the plenty. And that was the trouble, wasn't it?

I'd been thinking about Squall, the night I heard it for the first time. I was aboard Lunatic Pandora, pain wracking my entire body. Lion Hearts, Shockwave Pulsars, Armageddon Fists...all of it blended into such a rush of overwhelming agony that there was no way I _could've_ won. I could see that now, saw shitall then. I was on my knees with the awareness that Leonhart had beaten me for the _third_ time. His eyes had been as cold as that ice GF of his and all the fury within me couldn't keep me upright. I couldn't fight for another second longer...maybe never.  

I remember hating Squall and hating myself a thousand times more. I lay alone with that hatred...until a blaring, static-like noise dissolved everything else. The image of my pathetic defeat cracked like shard of Water Crystal; the black thoughts I'd been festering in were forcibly ripped from the membrane of my skull. Something that was both horrible and urgent warbled deep inside my head. A crackling reverberation like I hadn't heard since _her_, screeched within me so hard that my balls actually _shrank_ and a sweat colder then Winter Island covered my entire body. 

And then there was the sheer _illness_ of it. Every fibre of every nerve inside my body felt physically sick...as in the vomiting up blood, stomach cramping, shit turned to black liquid kind of sick. In other words, the most disgusting kind of sick there is. I don't know how I kept all my liquids inside me, other then an irrational fear of messing up the sheets Fujin had bought me. For a few gut-shucking instants, I seriously believed that _she'd_ come back and lemme tell you, that idea was enough to turn _anyone's_ balls to shit.

I huddled there on my side, frozen in a painful, sweating mass of fear, so thick it was _clotting_...until the word 'Mistress' registered. That was the only word my mind had been able to filter and hearing it, I calmed down a bit. It was engraved on every fold of pink tissue, the ways of her personality. She would never address another as 'Mistress'. No one was her equal. She wouldn't ever lower herself by using the title reserved for herself only, on another. 

So I listened, stomach still cramping, hurl pooling in the back of my throat.

~_Mistress...summon us. We await, ever obedient, scattered throughout this world. Seek us, we await, ever obedient, hidden from prying eyes._~

Those words and words like it, came to run in my head intermittently. There were also high keening calls that scraped against my brainflesh like Sharp Spikes. They appeared so suddenly, those calls and left me weak. There was relief; it wasn't _her_ but there were also questions. I knew about those eight monsters. _She_ had told me about them one cold night and how they guarded her castle in a shadowed future far off. They were the strongest known monsters in her world. She had captured and tamed and given each further powers. 

I knew all that but what I _didn't_ know was how they'd come to exist _here_, desperately seeking their dead Mistress. How was it that I could hear them? Could Matron or Rinoa hear them also? They'd both been possessed by _her_ while only slivers of _her_ had been able to thrive inside of me.

As the calls inside my mind grew, so did the questions. None of them were answered. I came to think that whatever was shrieking didn't realize I could hear it. Didn't it know that it had reached someone's mind, other then _hers_? I figured it didn't. It didn't take too long for all the endless calling to get really old. The breaking point came soon after...I'd had more then enough of all that sporadic pleading shit. Standing alone on the end of pier, fishing pole in my hand, I'd finally shouted at the stupid creature to _shut the fuck up_.

There were a few blessed moments of silence. I figured that had done the trick...before the Guardian started talking to me. It seemed to scan my mind and recognized me as _her_ Knight, which was a real laugh. It saw that _she_ was gone and instead insisted that I find it. What choice did I have? Its cries were driving me crazy. The creature was close, incredibly close and I found it easily enough.

High in the mountains of the Alcauld Plains, just behind the Fire Cave it lurked. It was surprising no SeeD had run into it while training or that its presence hadn't been detected by the Garden but the Garden was still being repaired and modified by mechanics from Fisherman's Horizon. And of course the Guardian had an instinctive impulse to keep itself hidden, as it had informed me later on.

Floating high amid crests of towering stonewall was a yellow monster whose very power actually _rippled_ over me. The thing spoke to me with a respect no one else on earth would have bothered with. It made the option for me and since I didn't have any other choice, wasn't like I could hide the thing in my bedroom afterall, I junctioned it. It wasn't strong enough to make me pass out but it was a damn near thing. The last GF I'd had junctioned had been Pandemona, lent to me by Fujin for a brief spell. Pandemona was a GF nothing like Trauma, wasn't even in the same category. Junctioning Trauma originally was like a rush of pure magic whirling between my ears. It was like getting totally high or having some chick give you a blow-job or scratching Leonhart's pansy-ass face. Just one fuck of a thrill, you know? It was almost too much to stand. I thought I'd have to un-junction Trauma but I got used to it. The initial buzz dissipated after a couple of hours. I didn't need to un-junction Trauma and haven't since. It may have been a fucking beast from the future but it liked me well enough, respected me a crapload and talked to me without hatred or fear or anything else people in Balamb used on me. Trauma was more powerful then anything I'd ever junctioned before and it had all these crazy abilities, including one that would let me turn monsters into Cards and another that would let me call up Junk Shops at will.

It didn't take too long for another Guardian to take up the cries. This new one was a Red Giant, similar in appearance to those Giants that lived in the Esthar Plains but twice as strong. It didn't seem like anyone but me could hear these Guardians. The choice was obvious to make. _Her_ once-monsters would now be mine. I had something now, something that didn't scorn me. I'm not gonna lie and say that the thought didn't half freak me out and half excite me. I mean shit, this was decent, if my mind could handle eight equipped junctions. I could at least take on any Galbadian Soldiers or SeeDs who wanted revenge on me.

So I left Fujin and Raijin, which wasn't exactly easy since they both wanted to come with me but I figured I'd already gotten them into enough shit. I headed to Galbadia where I found the enormous creature patiently waiting for me atop the high cliffs of the Monterosa Plateau. Again I was surprised that no one had spotted the Giant before I'd arrived. I was glad enough for that...I would've been in shit cakes galore if the Galbadian Army had word that I was sneaking around with mighty monsters from the future junctioned. As it was they were looking for any excuse to hang me for a Blitz; I had the serious suspicion that Matron had stepped in on my behalf and told the world to fuck it. Can't think of any other person who'd protect me, except for her.

After finding Red Giant, I made camp in the Roshfall Forest and trained up my two new GFs. The beasts in the forest were on the lame side but I had more then an excess of energy and fighting again felt good, even if the enemies were mostly Fungaurs and Cockatrices. I spent almost two weeks there, training and waiting. Then one cool evening, as I was battling a pair of annoying Wendigos, a new calling came to me. This one had the strength of the other two combined and then some. I could feel its power scouring through my mind; a hundred times more powerful then Trauma or Red Giant had ever been. I actually did pass out after a couple of moments, right in the middle of the battle but Trauma came before I did and finished those ape-ish fuckers off in a fury of Mega-Pulse Cannon. 

I woke up to hear Tiamat calling for me, telling me that I would be able to find him in the red sands of an endless desert. So I journeyed to that once-closed land, past a city that I'd destroyed and found a third GF...along with the most annoying chicken shit of a SeeD this side of Trabia. In the back of my mind I'd worried about being caught junctioning _her_ Guardians and I didn't know whether I was relieved or pissed to the nines that chicken wuss of all people had caught me.

What I _did_ know was that I wanted to total the little shit something _rough_ with a few Ultima spells...of which I had none and he had a load, or so he claimed. Fucks above, life was so damn unfair.

Currently the punk was driving like the spazz he was, head-banging to some Sorceress-awful underground punk crap that was blaring into my eardrums like a high-level Quake. If I ever found out who 'Inhaling Chemical Fumes' were, I'd tear those noise-making fuckers into thirty-nine _bloody_ pieces. I mean shits, was it too much for a guy to ask for a little peace on his way to meet the President of the country he'd basically ruined? 

Hell was this ever gonna suck. At best I'd be allowed to find the other five Guardians under the supervision of chicken wuss or some equally dumbass SeeD. At worst I'd be contained in Esthar, imprisoned for war crimes or something. I couldn't actually see Squall's _dad_ going easy on me.

I scowled. Damn Squall and his glacial ways. Like it wasn't enough that he got to save the world and be the hero and have everyone love him...now he even had the coolest actor ever and President of the strongest world nation to boot, as his biological father. I could handle seeing Leonhart's nancy-boy face all over the place but knowing that his dad was _Laguna Loire_ was just absolutely NO FAIR. Hell, _I'd_ been the biggest Laguna fan when we'd been kids, why wasn't he my father? I could really use a dad or a mom right about now. Even crybaby Zelly had parents while I, as usual, had a big fat Jack Shit. 

I surreptitiously rubbed at my head. Fucks, I must have been loosing it. My mind still felt on the overcrowded side. There was a pounding behind my eyes like a migraine. I glanced at the screaming loser next to me. He'd done something to me back on the plains, something to wake me and ease the shock of junctioning Tiamat. What had he done and why?

I reached over and yanked down the volume.

Zell's face instantly turned the colour of a pissed T-Rex. "Hey buddy, wha'cho do that for? Fucker, don't you go touching my beats when-"

Well if I was on my way to some _trial_ or something then at least I had the distinct pleasure of pestering the hell outta Zell while doing so. Had to take my amusement where I could find it, afterall. "What'd you do back there?"

"Huh?" 

How _this_ brainac became SeeD while I ended up in a shit heap didn't still remained a mystery to me. Unbiased my ass. "You know, when I first equipped Tiamat." I looked out the passenger window and studied the passing desert scenery with feigned interest. I was curious, yeah who wouldn't be if the likes of Zell had helped me, but at the same time I was aware of how much _more_ weak I was going to appear in front of a tool like Zell. Squall I could've handled...Squall may've dressed like a fag but the guy was one tough SOB and he was my equal...and more. Zell was just a hyper little fucktard and to faint and be all girlie in front of him...it was one _fuck_ of a blow to my ego, I'll tell you that. Which was goddamn _dumb_, that I still had an ego but to be such a pussy that _Zell_ had to possibly save my ass...seriously why didn't I just blade my balls off? I mean not only had I _passed out_ in front of Zell but I'd also told him that I owed him for saving my life...like what the fuck made me say _that_...and now I was under his precious SeeD authority. Under the authority of _chicken wuss_. Goddammit was karma ever a bitch. 

I had to force the words out. "You did something to calm Tiamat down. My congruency rose with him, I could feel it. What'd you use, some kinda med. level-up ability?"

"Nuh uh man, no meds can smooth out a super-strong GF, not even altered meds. I hadda use a battle item. Works with most GFs, s'long as you find the right item."

I was surprised. I hadn't know items could raise GF compatibility. As far as I knew, summoning a GF as frequently as possible was the only way to max up to one thousand. "What'd you use?" 

"Inferno Fangs. It was a sorta gamble but I figured since Inferno Fangs can be refined into Flares and Tiamat had that killer Flare attack..." Zell shrugged. "I just tried it out and it worked. Lucky for you, dude 'cause you were _outta_ it, for real."

That was hard to digest. "Why'd you bother?" Even I could hear the fruity ring of vulnerability in my voice. Hastily I added, "Not as fun if I'm zoned out, is it? Couldn't wait to haul me up to Leonhart's dad, could you?"

"I already _told_ you," Zell huffed. "I'm just doing my job. I'm not out to get you or all determined to have you charged or somethin'. I gotta make my report and you're part of it so just _shut it_, for fuck sakes."

I could easily understand his pissy attitude. Hell I'd been putting up with it for the better part of my life. His taking the time to ease Tiamat into my head, that was a _bitch_ to understand. Why? Why me? Why him? "People 'voluntarily placed under your authority' aren't allowed to talk, s'that it?"

"You're such a shithead!" Zell burst out, enraged. I felt a great burst of satisfaction at the contorted expression on his face. "You never change, no matter what! You think I _wanna_ have you under my authority? I'd rather have Ultimecia!"

It was lame but even now the sound of her name sent my heart scalding. "No you don't," I said in as casual a voice as I could force out. "Believe me, you really don't."

Zell blinked in surprise. He looked more like a chicken than ever. "Yeah, I guess not. That Hell's Judgement of hers was pretty brutal. I never felt pain like that _ever_." 

"What was battling her like?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. 

Great, I'd just pulled a chicken wuss, stuffing cock into my fat mouth a la dipshit Zell. I cursed. I may have been under chicken wing's beloved authority but I wasn't pansy enough to want to admit to _him_ that I wanted to know how they'd beaten _her_. I couldn't even _disobey_ her and they'd _destroyed_ her. How goddamn pathetic was I? How could the likes of _chicken wuss_ and ditzy _Selphie_ and tight-ass_ Quistis_ be stronger then I was? 

"It was fucking _whacked_." Zell didn't seem to think anything of my question...but then again it wasn't like he was notorious for his involved thought processes. "She chose three of us at random...turned out to be me, Irvine an' Squall for the first go and then she _laid_ it to us. First we fought just her, which wasn't too bad...kinda like fightin' Matron I guess. She also hadda Maelstorm attack but she was weak against Bio and Demi spells and against Doomtrain too so that part was easy. After that she summoned her GF Griever, who turned out to be a big bastard. He'd cast Triple on himself, use all these bitchy Gravity-based spells, killed a bunch of our GFs off and had a really _messed_ version of Quistis' Shockwave Pulsar that totally shot us to shit. After Irvine empted a big load of Hyper Shot into the thing, Ultimecia decided to _junction_ herself to Griever. That was pretty shitty too but we were using Meltdown-Aura combos like crazy and we beat that weirdness and figured we were done...like hell. Ultimecia came back hanging upside down and like had no head and stuff...I can't even describe how fucked she looked...we knew that creeped form as Ultimecia True. She was fucking _deadly_. I never felt any pain like her Hell's Judgement...it lowered everyone's HP to _one_. She also had this spell stocked that was even _stronger_ then Ultima, called Apocalypse. That was some nasty magic. We were limit breaking like soldiers in Centra and that was one helluva _long_ fight. Finally, as she began weakening, she started rambling on about how we should reflect on our childhoods and all this crap. Like I could take all that in while she was stealing entire stocks of magic and nearly killing us all. It was nuts man. I never wanna go through anything like that ever again." He sucked in a deep gulp of air...like he'd been so enthused that he forgot to _breath_...and then gave me a look that was about as obvious as Blobra jizz. "I _never_ wanna go through...or have anyone else go through that messed up shit ever again. So if we find out that you're starting up something again then I will _personally_ make sure you've got your own room, curtsey of D-District Prison. Got it hotshot?"

"Shut your ass punk," I snapped, thoroughly irritated. Fucks was this guy ever dense. Did he think _I_ had a stock of Apocalypse spells ready to use on him? Him and Leonhart had been the heroes to defeat Ultimecia while I was nothing more then a behemoth-sized fuck up. I hadn't even been able to beat Squall _once_, let alone survive attacks from _her_ and _her_ GF. And now I was nothing more then a delinquent civilian under the presence of a SeeD...a hyped-up shrimp-shit of a SeeD. It was fucking _humiliating_, lemme tell you that.

Under the guise of blocking the sun from my eyes, I pressed at my throbbing forehead. Zell was yipping at me, his face tomato-red. I couldn't even see Esthar city in the distance.

It was going to be one helluva _long_ car ride.

~*~*~*~

While I did oversee much of the, uh _destruction_ of Esthar proper, I'd been aboard Lunatic Pandora the entire time. Didn't have much time for sight-seeing, if any and basically I couldn't tell the city sights from a four-way inside the King's Tomb. All I knew about Esthar, other than the fact that it was a well-isolated state, was that it was the most scientifically-advanced region in the world. 

Boy _goddamn_ was that ever the truth.

I forced myself from showing any enthusiasm or gawk-eyed wonder around Zelly...but that didn't mean I didn't want to. Esthar was fucking _awesome_. The elevator tunnel-thing we used to enter the city in gave me enough of a rush to make my head spin but God did I ever have the urge to go back down on it just so I could come up again. It was kinda like the escalators at the mall when you were a kid...you just wanted to ride them up and down all day.

Entering the city was like entering into a whole other world. It didn't feel real at all. If anything, I felt like I'd just stepped onto some kind of sci-fi fantasy movie set. Everything looked imposing and so _glossy_. The multi-hued, cylindrical highways were tiered, rising and crossing like an orderly jumble of neon wires. Shining, coffered structures towered far above and below us, reaching like coloured glass fingers from between intersecting road grids. It was surreal, standing there at the glowing, elevated entrance with the whole city spread out before us in a mesh of translucent, glittering technology. 

Trying hard not to gape, I followed Zell over an endless maze of sloping, lengthy roadways. As we walked, a damn big-ass clutch of guilt starting ripping against my guts. Great, like I hadn't felt _that_ before. Every now and then I saw signs of the damage I'd brought about. A couple of those cup-like elevator things were still broken and some of the tunnels remained blocked off. In one section, there was a temporary roadway in place while the actual highway was still being repaired.

I felt like _such_ a shit-heel and it wasn't a feeling I liked at all.

The only bit of luck I'd managed so far was that it was nightfall as we walked the main roads. The drive into the city had taken a few hours and while Zell had been at his most pesky, listening to him get a wrath on was a much more favourable option then being lynched by an angry mob. Had it been a few hours back, I would've been recognized in seconds and a public beheading in the city square probably would've followed.

Which, even I had to admit, was no less then what I deserved. 

Zell kept shooting suspicious glances at me as we trekked along; probably figured I was gonna make a bolt for it. Yeah, there was a grand idea, what with all those extraterrestrial soldiers running about. Those guys made me nervous, though I'd've shit blood before admitting it. Seifer Almasy wasn't afraid of anything...even if he _was_. I had a great fear of being recognized; it may have been nightfall but there were still plenty of street and building lights. Lucky for me most of the soldiers seemed occupied and the few civilians that did pass by were in cars. Zell informed me that hardly no one ever came around the city outskirts at night; downtown, or the bottom streets of Esthar was the happening night scene. Then he quickly added that there were loads of soldiers patrolling and it I tried to make a run for it, I'd be caught quicker than a Haste spell.

Thanks for the info dipshit, I only _hadn't_ noticed scores of guards gallivanting around.

The Presidential Palace, an enormous gem-like monument that could be seen from most areas of the city, was _beautiful_. I knew shitall about architecture but even I could tell that it was a real piece of work. It almost felt _sacrilegious_, that a loser like me should be allowed to even _look_ at it. 

I sighed as we approached the lane leading into the Palace. The uncertainty of my future was making me gay.

There were six soldiers milling about the entry but they didn't spare me much more than a passing glance. They greeted Zell enthusiastically and offered to play cards with him later on. Apparently Zell was holding a Mobile Type 8 card that one of the guys was desperate to get back.

I didn't snort...but hell did I ever want to. Figured that even these fucking _soldiers_ loved scribble-cheeks. Probably loved Squall twice as much. None of those Galbadian jackasses _loved_ me. They all thought I was a conceited bastard, the lazy fuckers. 

We got to take one of those strange teacup numbers into the palace. That was some weird shit, going that fast backwards while sitting down. I thought I was gonna hurl for a few seconds there but I managed to quell the urge...I'd already passed out in front of Zell and I was _not_ gonna add tossing my cookies into the foray. Zell was bouncing off after the teacup stopped; he didn't see me waver where I stood, blinking hard. It seemed as through great, leather-like wings were brushing against my brain. I shook my head to clear it and started down the long, elegant hallway after Zell.  
  
  


The corridor walls were all transparent and afforded a view of the entire city. Thousands of lights and neon windowpanes shimmered at us from beyond the glass. I walked slowly, acting like I was just taking the magnificent view...which I was kinda...but really I was trying not to fall. Bitch-ass teacup left me dizzy too.

Shit, I really _was_ gay.

Zell didn't notice a thing; some SeeD _he_ was. The first turn in the lengthy passageway and I felt okay. By the second I was striding alongside twerp-o, towering over him, much to my gloating pleasure. Sometimes, when you assisted a Sorceress from the future to try and destroy the world, you had to take your hoots where you could find them. Certainly nothing in my immediate future suggested times chuckles-worth.

We walked up a few lavish, carpeted flights of stairs and entered a huge three-way landing. In the very centre of the enormous space, upon a dais of pink-veined Centra marble, stood a beautiful fountain. Its focus was a lady, a Sorceress maybe, and sparkling water, which I recognized as a huge flow of Water Magic, was pouring from the stone palms of her hands.

I stopped to stare at the fountain. It amazed me. How could a spell go on like that, without anyone casting it? Who made this? I looked around for Zell, contemplating whether I should ask him how this magical fountain worked. Either he'd look extremely stupid or I would. No draws on which _I _was banking on.

He was at the north hallway's entrance, talking to one of the soldiers that stood guard. Fantastic. While I'd been ogling a fucking _cascade_, he was off making plans for my detainment. I stalked over, trying not to _run_ because I didn't wanna look _desperate_ but I didn't wanna be dragged around in handcuffs either.

"My room's down this way," Zell told me, gesturing down the corridor. "C'mon."

The soldiers didn't say anything but their alien eye-gear studied me suspiciously. I acted nonchalant, like I traipsed around the Presidential Palace all the time. We passed up more stairs and down a short stretch of walkway before Zell stopped in front of a massive set of double doors that looked more like an elaborate ice sculpture than a door. Zell punched in a security code on the side panel and then cast a Dispel spell. The spell's junction pattern and magical frequency appeared on the screen, followed by a list of Zell's stats. A couple of instants to process the information and then a crisp lady's voice invited Zell Dincht to enter his room. 

I followed Zell, secretly _very_ impressed. That was pretty fucking cool, though you'd never hear it from me. Paramagical security features? Only in Esthar. Even Garden didn't do shit like that. Probably didn't have the technology for it, actually.

Zell's room was absolutely enormous. Looked bigger then classrooms in the Garden, if you asked me. The place looked _made_, all elegant and glass paned and gold-embossed papered. The only thing that _didn't_ look good in the room was Zell. The stupid punk looked like a Snow Lion in the desert.

"I gotta make my report to Laguna," Zell announced strutting around the living room. He stopped before a formidable looking marble and silver wrought coffee table and began empting out his shorts pockets of battle items. "An' you're gonna be staying here pal."

I leaned against the wall and adopted a well-practiced 'nothing bothers _me'_ stance. "Oh yeah, _pal_? All alone? Where's the fucking cage?" I couldn't quite keep out the bitterness from my voice; okay it wasn't exactly cool but come on...detained by a dumb fuck like Dincht was beyond humiliating. It wasn't like I was a guy known for patience or 'stoicism of spirit' or whatever. It was getting to the point where I almost would've _preferred_ to be incarcerated, instead of having to follow in Dincht's stupid wake. 

Almost.

Zell shook a Star Fragment at me and looked a helluva lot like Dr. Kadowaki for it. "Don't you think about starting trouble or you'll _totally_ end up in a cage, asshole. No one around here hasta put up with your crap."

"Yeah, _that's_ really interesting." It took a lot of restraint on my part not to grab that Star Fragment and jam it down his throat. I had to remind myself that Zell _had_ eased my junctioning with Tiamat, in spite of everything else. And really, not too far down truth be told, I knew that if I were him, I'd definitely wanna shove me into a cage. Hell that was probably too good for me.  

I knew it and I could accept it...it was just a lot harder when some crybaby from your past was passing sentence.

Zell glared at me, his face red. He put down his Star Fragment and inhaled deeply. He hadn't been forced into attending the Doc's Anger Management classes, had he? I was about to rail him some more but he beat me to the words.

"Do whatever the hell you wanna." He shrugged and began his stupid process of swatting flies. "Your sentence, man."

Which made me pause. His words, I'm ashamed to admit, caused my stomach to coil. Tightly. It was that same sinking feeling I'd experienced after Squall had defeated me for the first time and I was left alone with Edea. Not a pretty deal, not at _all_. 

My sentence.

As in, it didn't matter _what_ I did because in the end, I would be left to my own devices. I would stand alone and await judgment. _That's _how sure Zell was that I was planning something smart. He didn't give a shit. And who could blame him? I'd been pitted against him all because I came to help Rinoa.

To _help_ her. 

And she didn't give a shit either, now that she was flouncing around after Puberty Boy.

Well, it wasn't exactly ground-breaking _news_, that I was alone. With the exception of my three GFs, it was me against SeeDs, against my actions, against the fucking _world_. 

Goddamit was my stomach ever clenching. And my head was still throbbing _insistently_.

As I debated whether to show weakness and press at my temples or not, Zell's vast glass doors opened with a strident metallic swishing and in walked _Quistis_, of all people. 

"Zell what's-" She stopped abruptly as she caught sight of me. "Seifer?" 

"The very same, _Instructor_." I didn't quite mean for that mocking tone to come through but in this place of elaborate unfamiliarity, it was all I had. I slipped back into routine with an ease that was _so_ familiar.  

She blinked a couple of times, watching me with enlarged eyes. 

  
"K'you just watch over him for a few?" Zell was zipping around the room, collecting up folders and discs. "I gotta go give Laguna a report and stuff."

Quistis looked like she was biting back about a hundred questions but she'd always been a true professional. "Take your time." 

Zell narrowed his eyes at me on his way to the door. "Don't try nothing funny jerkass or Quisty'll _Ray Bomb_ ya."

"I'll keep that in mind, chicken shit." I smirked at him, knowing how much it pissed him off.

He grit his teeth and stomped out of the room, muttering _'goddamn asshole'_ under his breath.

Subtle the guy was _not_.

"What on earth are _you_ doing here?" 

"I could ask the same of you." I poked around at chicken's pile of magazines, which were resting on a nearby table. The dork had brought his entire collection of Combat King mags with him. I was impressed, he had some of the more rare issues, including issue 005, which was supposedly 'damn near impossible' to find, according to one of the workers down the Balamb docks. 

"We've accompanied Matron here, not that it's any of _your_ business." Her eyes narrowed. "Whatever you're up to Seifer, it's not going to work." 

"Who says I'm up to anything?" I chucked down Zell's mags, feeling a bit of my load ease. I wasn't _so_ alone then, not if Matron was here. "I thought _good_ SeeDs were taught never to assume, _Instructor_?" Which was why I wasn't a SeeD. Bunch of uptight pricks.

She flushed, her cheeks the same colour as her coral-coloured tank top. I'd never seen her without her SeeD uniform or that pink dress thing she always wore. She actually looked kinda okay, with her hair down like that. More like a normal, approachable person I guess, instead of a tightass, by-the-book _only_ teacher.

"I wouldn't need to be here if you hadn't done anything," she snapped, crossing her arms across her chest in that all-too familiar pose. "Are you responsible for the excess flow of magical energy within the Esthar Plains?"

"No." Which was the truth. _I_ hadn't been the one swooping around. 

"Well then do you know what _is_ responsible?"

The hint of impatience in her condescending tone told me that she was only just holding her temper. I casually picked up one of the Zombie Powders Zell had left behind. I concentrated and found Red Giant. He used his ST Med-RF ability and in a flash of light, the Zombie Powder was gone, leaving behind three Holy Waters. 

"Here's your answer," I said and tossed one of the newly-refined item to her.

She caught it automatically. I figured it was only pure professionalism that kept her from gaping with her mouth wide open. "You have a _GF_?!!" 

"Excellent powers of deduction, Instructor."

She ignored my sarcasm. "It is _illegal_ for civilians to junction GFs. You know that as well as I do." She gave me a hard look, like I was some dumb fuck student of hers. Yeah, not anymore lady, those days were long gone. "And considering your previous actions, there isn't a single state on earth that wouldn't incarcerate you for it. They're looking for just one reason Seifer. You give it to them and you'll be imprisoned. No trial, no breaks. None of us will be able to help you then."

How fucking self_-_righteous. '_None of us_' my ass. More like just Matron. She's the only one who ever gave a damn. "I'm quite aware of current political consensus towards me," I replied coolly. I didn't have to take Quistis' superior shit. She held _no_ authority over me. "And I'd rather not spend the rest of my life inside D-District, if it makes any difference to you. I'm not here to fight or break laws or whatever else you and chicken wuss are thinking. _She's_ gone. I just wanna be left alone."

She scrutinized me. "And the GF?"

I shrugged and responded evasively just to piss her off. "I had to no choice but to junction it...them. Whatever."

"You have more then one?!" 

"Three, yeah." I was enjoying the poleaxed expression on her face. "Zell even saw me junction one." 

"But why didn't he-" She floundered, trying to rationalize Zell's behaviour in her head. She was so damn _obvious_, just like one of those Garden-issued textbooks she used to teach from. She dismissed Zell after a few seconds and raised her chin to look me in the eye.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate your GF," I proclaimed in a rather remarkable impression of Quistis, if I do say so myself. "That's what you wanna say, Instructor?"

Quistis didn't seem to be amused. Her lips were pressed so tightly together, they looked like long stretch of a Bloba arm. "Cut the comedy, Seifer. I can't allow you to go around with even one GF, let alone three."

"Don't think you'd be able to handle them, even if they _did_ come to you." I grinned at her and went for the kill. "Had enough of a time trying to take Tiamat into my mind. Doubt it you could-" 

"Tiamat?" This time she did gape and oddly enough, she looked a lot like Zell when he'd been gaping. "You have that..._monster_ junctioned?" 

"Yeah I do, actually." Baiting her was just as good as baiting Zell, I realized. It felt good to know stuff that she didn't. Hell she looked all about ready to shit bricks, as far as I could tell. "And Trauma and Red Giant. I don't think they'd take too kindly to having _you_ junction them. You did try to kill them, didn't you?"

"But we _did_. We destroyed all of them, I remember." She pressed at her temples like she had the century's biggest headache...like how I wanted to press at mine. 

"You _defeated_ them, not destroyed them."

"But how? How could that be? I used a _Shockwave_ _Pulsar_ on Tiamat. Zell used all his limit breaks and even Selphie was using Ultima and Meteor spells. That's impossible..."

"Hey don't look at me," I quickly inserted since she was looking at me with heightened suspicion. "I just woke up one night with Trauma calling for _her_ to find them."

"You can hear them?"

"Yeah, inside my mind. Just one at a time though." 

Quistis stared at me incredulously. 

There was a silence. A _long_ silence. I started to get edgy. Quistis wasn't one for the silent approach; she was all about stern lectures. Fuck she really _must've_ been shocked. 

"Look, I didn't do anything," I hastily defended myself. Anything to break the silence. "They were looking for _her_ and found me instead, probably because I was her Knight or whatever. I didn't summon them or any shit like that. They're from _her_ future so why would I? I've never even seen any of them before, other than on cards. They're junctioned to me by _fluke_." 

She didn't reply. Instead, she marched over to the wall and pressed a button on the steel panel there. Almost immediately an armed soldier burst into the room.

"I want you to send word to Edea Cramer immediately." Quistis was in her element. "Tell her I need to speak with her right away and that it's urgent." 

"Yes Miss."

I watched the soldier depart. That outfit really did look alien-ish. "What do you think Matron can do?" I couldn't help myself, I _had_ to ask.

She blinked at me. "Well surely she must know something. How could those monsters come into our time when we defeated them? And if you've junctioned three of them already, the other five must be around somewhere, right? They must be waiting for you."

"That's what I was thinking." I looked her straight in the eye and spoke seriously. "I'll have to junction them all Quistis. As far as I know no one else can hear them except me. Not even Matron or Rinoa can hear them, otherwise they would've said something. I know you guys don't like it but you don't really have much of a choice. I'm almost certain that her monsters won't allow anyone else to junction them but me. I only came here to find Tiamat. I'm not here to cause trouble. Hell I've never even been to Esthar City before today." Suddenly and I couldn't tell you why, it seemed important that Quistis believe me. "You know I didn't go to Timber that day to end up Knight to a whacked Sorceress."

"I know that," Quistis conceded, sighing. "I mean we all know that she had you...under her influence."

"That's one way of putting it," I muttered blackly. "Possession's what _I'd_ call it."

"Possession? A Sorceress can only possess another Sorceress, Seifer."

"Yeah well it felt like a fucking possession to-" 

The door jarred open once again, interrupting me.

Matron's inky eyes found me at once, spearing into me like a flame in the dark. Her gaze spoke of comfort, warm and gentle. I realized, as I looked onto her fragile beauty, that I wasn't alone. Not precisely. She wouldn't abandon me, this woman. 

This _mother_, if I could think of her as such. 

To have her look at me with such soft eyes...I think I would have done it all over again, in exactly the same way. 

A traitor who was loved. Yeah, I could handle that.


	3. The Nature of SeeD

**CHAPTER III : The Nature of SeeD**

_I _was sitting on the President's loveseat, inside his private chambers, sipping Starburst Pop and Seifer _wasn't_.

I gloated around a mouthful of unadulterated sucrose and fake flavouring. My life was as sweet as the liquid cloying inside my mouth and Seifer's wasn't. I had everything and Seifer had nothing. I was a hero and Seifer wasn't. I was a SeeD and Seifer wasn't. I was a-

_Chicken shit._

"Dammit!"

I angrily slammed down my pop can, bounded to my feet and starting fist-smashing the air, imagining that Seifer's smirking prick of a face was floating in front of me.

Even now, chilling inside Esthar's most lavish sitting room, Seifer's smug shit was still grating on me. What a bastard Seifer was. What a stupid, conceited moulding jackass of a bastard Seifer was! I hated him with every molecule of my brain. I hated him so much that I couldn't even _begin_ to expand on how much I hated him. He never changed, not even when holed up inside the city he'd _ruined_. He wasn't even guilty, the asshole. What did he care that people had gotten injured and had _died_ as a direct result of his actions? Just as long as he got a shot at his stupid 'Romantic Dream', he didn't give a crap about anything else.

"Selfish fuck," I muttered venomously, punching the image of his face my mind had scrounged up. "Numb nuts dumbo."

And I did NOT look like a chicken, dammit!

Laguna came stumping into the room after a while and put an end to my agitated uppercuts and pissed name-callings.

"Oh s'you Zell," he mumbled around a yawn the size of Balamb. "Thought it was Kiros coming in to nag me about that stupid summit meeting again. Like I'm gonna sleep in after what happened _last_ time. Jeeze everyone's a critic."

One pant leg might've been tucked into a blue and purple striped sock, the other sock might've been grey, the wrinkled shirt might've been buttoned up wrong...but Laguna Loire was still the coolest guy I knew. He was the height of cool. He didn't give a crap what anyone thought of him. He did his own thing and everyone else could screw off 'cause he was the _President_. He was the most powerful guy in the world. So what if his hair was sticking up in seven different compass points? He _owned_. Plus he let me T-Board in the palace hallways and didn't demand extensive written reports on SeeD assignments. He didn't like reading all that technical bullshit which was swell 'cause I sure as hell didn't like writing it.

He was a great man, Laguna Loire.

"So what's the deal, man?" He poured himself a cup of coffee and took a huge gulp before wincing at the heat.

"I didn't wanna disturb you this late and but there's this...like this situation." I took a quick drink of my pop and wiped my mouth with the back of my arm. "You know that fount of excess energy in the Plains? Well I found out that it came from a single source, a monster."

Laguna frowned at that. "It'd take some kinda powerful monster to override the current magical levels out there. The Lunar Cry monsters are buzzing with heaps of Astro Energy and so the desert's M stats are in a surplus as it is. I don't wanna hafta put up more bans and restrictions on the surrounding area just 'cause of somethin' even _worse_ than monsters from the Moon. What happened out there?"

"Well you don't need to worry; the monster's gone and all the regional stats are back to normal." I set aside my fizzy drink and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "I found Seifer Almasy out there, in the middle of the plains. I accused him of being responsible for the changes in M levels and he denied it. We were arguing and then this monster came out from behind the Nortes Mountains. Seifer talked to it, he was waiting for it apparently and then he _junctioned_ it. Just like that. Shocked the shit outta me, to tell you the truth."

Another cool thing about Laguna; he doesn't care if you swear during a report or not.

"And that's not even the _most_ shocking thing," I continued, bouncing where I sat. That soda was _loaded_. "The monster right? I knew it, I _fought_ it before. Me, Selphie and Quistis did. Inside Ultimecia's castle. It was one of her eight Guardians."

"Open-faced Turtapods," Laguna gasped loudly and spilled coffee down his front. "Oww, shit that's hot!"

See, he even says 'shit' himself. Pretty cool huh?

"Uh...you okay?"

"Yeah man, patchy keen." Laguna scrubbed a handful of tissues against the spreading coffee stain. "Are you telling me those Guardian guys you guys fought are smarming around _here_? Those things from the future? As in all of them?"

"seems like it. Seifer already had two of 'em junctioned before he even came out here."

"How'd he junction monsters from the future?" Laguna dropped the soggy wad of tissues onto the table beside him. "Those things couldn't've come here during Time Compression. The change in magical levels would've shown up way before now, if all eight of those things are floating around."

I shrugged, feeling uneasy. I had wondered about that also. Why hadn't anyone noticed the monsters or noticed a jump in M levels before today? "Seifer doesn't really know much about it either or so he says. All he told me was that they've been looking for Ultimecia but found him instead. Says he can hear them screaming inside his mind."

Laguna chewed on that for a few minutes. Then he asked me, "Do you believe him? I mean you've known him since the orphanage right? What do you really think?"

Not alotta world leaders would've asked what I _thought_.

Did I believe Seifer? I thought about it while Laguna picked off bits of tissue from his shirt and made faces. Yeah Seifer was a bullying jerk and still made fun of me and smirked in that oh-_so_ annoying way but at the same time Seifer was the kinda guy who would've _Hyperioned_ his wrists before fainting...especially in front of me. Seifer hardly had any experience with GFs, least of all not with a crude power like Tiamat. He probably could've summoned his GFs to fight me as we approached Esthar or even inside the city proper but he hadn't. Besides the verbal abuse, the bastard hadn't done anything. No violence, no attempts to flee. He'd come with me without a fight and basically had put himself under SeeD authority.

And he _had_ apologized. I couldn't forget that. Probably wished he hadn't, probably was cursing himself for being weak but he _had_.

That didn't mean that he wasn't a first-grade brand of asshole though.

"Yeah I believe him," I said resignedly. I felt like a traitor for admitting it but I wasn't about to lie. Ma had taught me better then that, unfortunately. "When he first junctioned Tiamat, he passed out. I had to raise his GF compatibility and only then did he wake up. Prolly could use a few LuvLuvGs or somethin' later on. I think his head's still swamped. He wasn't faking any of all that, I could tell."

"Jeeze, I dunno how you guys do it." Laguna shook his head. "All those GFs swimming in your brains. It's hard for a guy to handle, know what I mean? I haven't junctioned in years. I'd probably take on the heart attack if I tried."

"You get used to it," I said diplomatically. Anything important to me, I wrote down. Everything else was just the craps and I could afford to forget it, I figured. "Garden starts GF training young. We know what we're in for."

"I guess so." Laguna bounded to his feet and started pacing around the coffee table. "So how many GFs does that Almasy kid still needa find? Five?"

"Yep."

"Doesn't seem like Edea or Rinoa can hear those monster guys either."

"Nope."

"So only the kid can."

"Yep."

There was a silence. I watched Laguna stop in his tracks, poke at the carpet with his foot and mutter something under his breath. He ploughed a hang through his hair and resumed pacing.

I fidgeted, jiggling my foot and rocking slightly in my seat. Waiting, I was not a champ at.

"Well dungcakes on toast." Laguna sighed heavily and looked harassed. He rubbed his eyes. "This is gonna turn into one helluva political beefcake, once the Cabinet catches wind of this gayla chowder. And then the press'll join in like a herd of scavenging Imps...oh hell and the paperwork...Kiros'll never get off my back...Edea'll wanna speak to the Cabinet _again_..."

"Well maybe it'd be a good idea to talk to Matron before you decide anything," I suggested. Laguna sounded so stressed that I hadda say _something_. "I left Quisty lookin' after Seifer so I don't think he'll be up to much. Matron'll know what to do. She should prolly take a look at Seifer or something, too."

"Yeah that's what I was thinking," Laguna said, plopping back down onto the sofa. "Edea'll want to know about the monsters first thing. I especially don't want Odine catching wind of this. He's been pestering Edea to study Almasy ever since you guys came back from the future."

I didn't say anything but hell did I ever _wanna_. I would've loved to hunt down that candycane-collared ass goblin and alert him to Seifer's stupid presence. I prolly would've too, if Matron hadn't been around. For whatever reason...none of which I could see lemme tell you...she cared a lot about Seifer. I think she felt super guilty about all the shit she made him do, even if she had been possessed. And even if he had been half-willing.

"Well I basically know what she'll say," Laguna continued, oblivious to my thoughts, thankfully. "She'll wanna keep this whole business under wraps 'cause she still cares for the kid and doesn't wanna see him mangled by the authorities. I wanna keep it under wraps so those damn beastie-things aren't lurking around Esthar and people don't start panicking. By the time all the diplomatic doublespeak, long, boring commentaries and the voting get around to happening, those monsters will've ransacked half the area. Pfft. Like _there's_ a crisis I need to happen."

I frowned, not liking the way Laguna was thinking. Yeah I understood what he was saying but what, was he just gonna let Seifer gallivant back into the desert? Like I was gonna sit around and let _that_ happen. "Are you saying that you're gonna give Seifer permission to junction all those monsters on the sly?"

"Well yeah, that's what I was thinking," Laguna answered, leaning towards me. He started gesturing, his tone eager. "See I've got it all figured out man. No one else can hear those monsters right? So Seifer's gotta be out there finding them and tough shit to anyone who thinks something else. I'm not letting helpless bystanders get eaten. I don't needa alert the whole world that the kid's here since this is a matter of national security and I have the final say when it comes to security issues. So no one's gotta know. I send the kid off, he finds the rest of those creepy-"

I couldn't contain myself. Fuck, even Squall would've been slapping his forehead by this point. "Alone? You're sending the guy out alone? Who knows how he'll disturb the peace junctioned with those whacked out GFs!"

"Hey man, I wasn't gonna send him off alone," Laguna contradicted mildly. "That isn't in the interest of nation security. I was thinking of hiring SeeD for the job...or you to talk precise."

"_Me_!" I made a grossed out face and barely restrained myself from making gagging motions. "Dude no way!" In some still-functioning recess of my disgusted brain, I realized that I was refusing the _President_, something no SeeD, including myself, had ever done before but I couldn't help myself. All I knew was that I did _not_ wanna end up saddled to this crap-heap of an assignment. _Piss_ all over that, President or no President. "D'you know how hard it was trying to contain myself from casting Death spells on the guy? And I was only with him for half a day! If I was forced to go meandering all over the world with Seifer then hell, I'll be wanted for _murder_ after two days!"

Laguna seemed surprised by my outburst. "What, you really hate the kid that much?"

Seifer was one of those irritating subjects that I could rave and foam about for the duration. There just weren't enough words in the dictionary I could use to shit on him with...or at least not enough words that I knew. "I can't _stand_ him," I snarled, grounding my molars together. "He's a jerk the size of Centra. I hate him. He made my days at the orphanage and at the Garden, _hell_. He's a self-obsessed, inconsiderate, bullying bastard!" As an afterthought I hastily apologized for my language. Saying 'shit' was one thing but 'bastard' was a whole other field mission. Plus, even if Laguna didn't care, it was more of a reflex thing anyway. Ma would've _killed_ me, had she'd known I was getting mouthy around the President.

Laguna waved my apology away. "Gee, I always thought Ellone was just exaggerating," he mused, scratching his head. "She said Seifer used to pick on you but then she said he picked on everyone."

"Didn't you see what he did to your son's _face_? What kinda guy pulls a stunt like that on a training session? I'm telling you, the guy has no limits! He wrecked this _city_, by Blobra's blubber!"

"Oh I know what he's done around here," Laguna muttered, crossing his arms across his chest. "But I also know that some kid couldn't've totalled this place on his own. Squall doesn't like him much better then you either but without Ultimecia, I doubt the kid's really that dangerous. Especially if you were around to keep an eye on him. Face it Zell, you know Almasy and you're familiar with this whole situation. You've beaten him every time you guys fought. Who could be better than you?"

"But if I'm forced to spend more then a couple days with the guy then I'll kill him! Or myself...but mostly him." It was pretty cool, having Laguna tell me that I was the best man for the job but praise was cheap if I hadda endure how-long of Seifer's verbal abuse. I gave Laguna a pleading look, knowing I was acting pathetic and unable to stop myself. "I know Squall's too busy with Garden procedures but couldn't Quistis handle Seifer? Or Irvine? Or _anyone_!"

"You know Quistis is assisting Matron with Time Compression research," Laguna reminded me. He paused to nosily gulp down more coffee. "Plus I think Irvine and Selphie are working with Galbadia Garden down in the Deep Sea Research Facility, aren't they?"

"Well _yeah_ but..." I knew that they were all on assignment but I wasn't gonna go down quietly. No amount of Gil could force me to baby-sit Seifer, no fucking way! "Any SeeD could do it..."

Laguna was now looking amused. "Didn't you face those monsters before? I don't think just any SeeD could handle it."

"You're not making this easy for me," I warned, trying not to scowl.

"Hey man, I don't intend to. Seriously, you _are_ the best guy for the job. And anyways, once Kiros finds out that you're with Seifer, he won't lecture me for _too_ long...least I hope anyways. He may be one've my all-time best buds but jeeze can the guy ever be some bossy. He'll be ranting until the next Demon Moon, lemme tell you."

"But what if I _kill_ him!" I grabbed my pop and resignedly downed a load. Seemed my die had been cast ever since I ventured out into the desert this afternoon. "I just might, that's how much of an asshat Seifer is!"

"I'll wave all charges," Laguna assured me, grinning. "But I can't talk for Edea though. She might be a little pissed you know? She feels for the kid pretty deep, or least that's what Cid says."

"I'll take my chances," I huffed, knowing that I'd never to do anything to hurt Matron. She'd had enough of a time of things. Which was so not fair because now I was forced to endure Seifer and not even be able to kill him. Why did I have to be the one to find all those stupid monsters? Why did I have to listen to him make smart-ass comments about how incompetent I was and how I resembled farm fowl?

"I know it won't be easy," Laguna went on, in a soothing sort of voice. "But I'll hook the kid up with a load of LuvLuvGs and I'll give you a bunch of those Holy War things. You know them, they make you invisible? Dr. O'll gimme a bunch easily. That way you guys won't need to worry about other states causing trouble and trying to retain Almasy or whatever." Laguna gave me a toothy grin. "He'll be all yours to boss around."

Oh gee _whoop dee fuck_. I'd always wanted an arrogant, self-absorbed, disparaging dipshit to command and demand! Honestly. The only pleasure this fiasco was going to give me was the expression on Seifer's face when he realized that he was officially under my authority. He'd shit Dragon Skins, that was for sure.

"I'll get a guard to find Edea," Laguna said. "I'll also get someone to collect items and stuff for you guys. You wanna start packing and I'll buzz ya up once Edea and I do the official discussion bit?"

"Yeah sure." I tried to sound enthusiastic but it wasn't exactly easy. What difference did all these stupid details matter when the clock was ticking for me to act the part of a glorified nanny to Seifer? He didn't care that I was SeeD...he'd always been the sort to flaunt rules and challenge authority. And dammit, there wasn't even the thrill of discovering new monsters to battle with since I'd been around the world like fifty times and had fought every beast known to mankind.

I stumped back to my room, buzzing from the Starburst Pop and raging from the idea of spending who-knew how long with the likes of Seifer Almasy, dickweed extraordinaire. Why not just Blizzaga me and call me _Screwball a la mode_?

When I entered my room I found Quistis standing beside the window, staring out at the glittering city.

"Where Seifer?" I demanded, alarmed. "That fuckup finally escaped didn't he? I knew he was gonna! That stupid punkass!"

"Of course he didn't. For Trabia's sakes Zell. Where could he possibly run to? He's with Matron." Quistis gave me a reproving stare. "And you really shouldn't cuss either."

"And Seifer shouldn't be such an asshole," I retorted, flinging myself onto my bed. I never wanted to move, ever. "What's Matron doing with him?"

"I called her after Seifer told me that he had three of Ultimecia's monsters junctioned." Quistis perched down in the armchair beside my bed. "Needless to say I was astonished. Matron wanted to speak to Seifer in private so I came here to wait for you."

"It was _surreal_, seeing Tiamat out there. And then watching _Seifer_ of all people junction him...like I was half sure Ultimecia took up res inside his head again or whatever." I bolted upright and twisted around to face her. "It was _messed_, Quisty. Totally fucked."

"Do you think we can trust him?" Quistis crossed her legs primly, a frown wrinkling her forehead. "He seemed sincere in not knowing about the monsters and I think that he's contrite for what he's done. Some of what he said showed his guilt, in any case."

"Well he _did_ apologize in the desert. Said he owed us for getting rid of Ultimecia before she got rid of him." I started fiddling with the laces of my kicks. I'd prolly need new ones soon, so scruffed were these. All hangy and hairy and rough looking. "He's still a piss off though. Yeah he might be sorry and might not be trying to dominate the world but the guy's still full of shit."

"What did Laguna have to say about all this?"

I scrunched up my nose and made a face. "He thinks that the best option is to have Seifer find the rest of those Guardians before they chow down on the innocents or something." I launched into a summary of the rest of the events, scowling and swearing it up all the while.

By the time I'd finished, Quistis was gaping at me, her eyes wide. Not a lot surprised her but her Buel was spinning over this one. "Surely Cid isn't going agree to such a mission. Seifer's a traitor to the Garden!"

"If Matron steps in I bet he'll agree," I muttered glumly. "Plus it's a world interest, right? Those monsters are dangerous and a threat to anyone who's not Seifer. Since we fought 'em and Seifer too, who else are they gonna hire for this kinda mission...Esthar soldiers? Those guys start flailing like sewer Creeps in front of GFs." I huffed out air very loudly. "I just wish I wasn't the one stuck with this shitty mission. Why couldn't it be Selphie or Irvine? Stupid Seifer wouldn't rag on them like how he rags on me all the time."

"He knows he can get a rise out of you," Quistis said logically. Her lips were quirking slightly; I could see that she was amused in spite of the situation.

"This isn't funny!" I snapped, vaulting off the bed. "Why do I gotta be the one to baby-sit Seifer? Why can't you do it? For frig's sakes, I hate being called a damn chicken!"

"I would take your place if I could," Quistis replied in soothing tones. It didn't take a friggin' genius to see that she was lying through her well-flossed teeth. "But all of us are otherwise engaged. You know that."

"Well this stinks like Mesmerize shit," I huffed irritably. I scooped up all the battle items I'd collected in the past week and began sorting through them. "Seifer hates me the worst and I seriously don't think I can handle this. I hate him!"

"Most likely he hates Squall the most, what with that rivalry business the two of them had going on. Squall ended up a hero and with Rinoa. I doubt the rest of us matter much to Seifer one way or the way."

"Well _whatever_." Quistis was missing the point. She didn't have to take everything so literally for hell's sakes. I didn't actually care whether Seifer hated me the most or not; I was just sick of being on the receiving end of his smug, nasty ways. "The point is that if I'm being forced to spend Lord knows how long with the guy and if I don't end up killing him then I'll kill myself!"

"Oh stop being so dramatic," Quistis chided. "You're a _SeeD_ now, you outrank him. Just keep your temper and you'll be fine."

"I'll be wanted for murder before the mission's done," I grumped, tossing a Hypno Crown into my kitbag. "They'll strip me of my SeeD rank and cart me back to D-District where I'll get my ass kicked on a daily basis by those stupid prison guards."

"Seifer is a classic textbook case," Quistis informed me, rolling her eyes. "He was most probably neglected or abused before his time at the orphanage and as a result he turned to bullying to cover up an inferiority complex and get a reaction from those around him."

Seifer feeling inferior? Yeah, _there_ was a real burgeoning thought. "Or he was just born a dipshit."

"No one's born a dipshit Zell."

I had to grin. Quistis saying _dipshit_ was damn amusing.

She saw my amusement and shook her head. "Oh grow up, for heaven sakes."

"I'm trying." I rounded up my magazines and reports I'd made in the last couple of weeks and they joined the heap of crap on the bed.

"There's one thing I still don't understand," Quistis said, watching me get my thing together. "Why didn't anyone notice the change in M stat levels when Red Giant and Trauma were around? I can understand if Garden didn't notice since the repairs are still going strong and same with Trabia but why didn't Galbadia notice anything? Where exactly did Seifer find those first two Guardians anyway?"

"I dunno. I don't think it was too far from Balamb though." I began hauling clothes from out of the closet. "Laguna doesn't think that those Guardians could've come here during Time Compression. He said they would've noticed their presence right away when they were scanning the world's stats and all that."

"But how else could they have come into our time? That doesn't make any sense." Quistis stood and began folding my clothes into neat piles. I knew that she needed to keep her hands busy when she thought, just like I did. "Could they have been veiled somehow? Or dormant?"

I shrugged. "Anything's possible. They were looking for Ultimecia but found Seifer instead. Maybe without either one, they were incapacitated or unable to exist around here or something. Who knows? I guess I'll find out."

Quistis paused in the middle of folding a pair of my cargos and met my eyes. "You'll be careful won't you Zell? We don't know what those Guardians will be like outside of her castle."

"I know that."

Quistis helped me pack up all my shit, listening to me whinge on and offering me advice.

Eventually a guard came by to tell us that Laguna wanted to see us.

It was time.

I resisted the urge to pound my head on the steel door slides.


End file.
